27 July 2015 Journal Page

Panama posted this comment on my post from yesterday:

"New Year's resolution. I want to do the same thing. Somewhere in the past several weeks I lost my way. I think it was because I got the flu. I stopped doing everything. Now the house is a mess. Do you create when you are not feeling well? Is there any excuse you can find for not creating? Or do you create no matter what? I think the stopping and starting has had it's effect on me. I did notice that looking at art supplies yesterday, wandering through Hobby Lobby, had an energizing affect on me. I have no daily routine. I think that also affects my creative time. Another New Year's resolution." 

Thanks, Panama. First off, I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I think that most of us end up beating ourselves up over them. I believe that there is always potential for change and growth  and it can happen at any day or time and that we shouldn't beat ourselves up for slipping back into our old habits. I think that trying to be the best possible human beings that we can be always should count for something.

I hope that you are feeling better. If it makes you feel better, my house is a mess now, too. I am slowly trying to clean up (and clean out.) That said, I put my creativity first. If my journal is calling me, that's more important than cleaning my living room. If I want to lie in bed and read a book that inspires me and there are dishes in the sink, I'll do the dishes later tonight and pick up my book now. I'm in the middle of a self imposed vacation right now and yet I'm still working. It's hard not to berate ourselves but I do think that it is important to do what you feel is most important and if feeding your creativity is important to you, you will find a way to do it. Keeping a roof over head and food on the table is important to me but constantly cleaning said home (which is something I grew up with) is not. Keeping the space open for my art work is just as important and nourishing to my all around well being.

If I can't work in my journal, I try to be creative in other forms (looking at art, reading books, watching films, going for walks and looking for inspiration, start a conversation that is stimulating, etc...) That said, I try to make something on a regular basis as it is what works best for me. Ten minutes or ten hours, I do what I can, when I can. 

If you look at everything you do as a creative act in some way, maybe it can lead you back to art making. There is inspiration everywhere and it can be found wandering aisles looking at art supplies or a crack in the sidewalk while out for a walk. Take some baby steps and pick up your pen, paint brush or scissors and just start by playing. Do it as much as you desire, ten minutes a day, an hour a week, whatever works best for you. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up over it.

I hope that this helps and if not, feel free to pick my brain and ask more questions.  


Lynda Shoup said…
I always love reading your thoughts. These are things on my mind as well. Your thoughts about New Year's Resolutions had me shaking my head in agreement with you and yet I still love making those resolutions. I see a bright new year opening up and I want to face it with intention. This year that New Year's intention led to me taking a class with you in June. Some intentions come to fruition. Some fall by the wayside and I'm ok with that. But I like having a plan, setting goals or directions and then seeing if I can make any of it happen. Frankly, I do that at the beginning of the school year too. I guess my resolutions are more like a bucket list.

Fitting more time for making certainly is something I would like to enhance in 2016. Oddly, right now I'm in the middle of tidying up to make accessing all my materials easier. As I do so I'm enjoying seeing all the things I have to work with. Oops squirrel.....washi tape.....
Panama said…
Kelly, I don't want be misunderstood. I am not disappointed in myself. Yes, thank you, I am feeling much better. I did make a list of things I wanted to accomplish in 2015 and I did a very good job of keeping the promises I made to myself. The most profound breakthroughs were not about me but actually about my causes. I went about talking to, writing to, and generally posting everything I believed was changing. These efforts were in regards to prison advocacy and the death penalty. I really applied myself to it. I wrote to Obama. Not only did he write back but he went into the prisons and he made efforts at the end of the year with pardons and clemency. I asked my governor six months ago if he would veto a bill to keep women who were pregnant from being shackled. I never believed he would actually veto the bill. It was an ah ha moment for me because I could not find my voice to explain why I wanted him to veto the bill. Then just this week I noticed an article from a legal group that defined the shackling of female prisoners as a matter of human rights. I am finding my voice not literally but metaphorically. And, I am finding those who's words resonate with mine. I have no legal background and I'm not much for current events. I just put my best foot forward and asked people to look at the issues I felt concerned about. All the while, my art has taken a back seat to these causes I am interested in. I am finishing the book, "Big Magic" and I think I found my answer just a couple of hours ago. Who says there are only coincidences? I think I found those words exactly when I needed to read them. The author spoke about the same complaint I am feeling. That is, to feel like I am losing my creative "mojo". The author explained and whatever she said rang a bell. She spoke about getting dressed up, not walking around in her pajamas, taking a shower, fixing her hair and putting on make up. General things that make us feel special to ourselves. I have been dragging my heels since my boyfriend died. I have found my answer. It is all about self care and self worth. Getting up in the morning and preparing for the day like it was going to matter. Thank you for your thoughts about allocating time for the things we love. I am remembering a teacher I took a course with. It was called "Making a house into a Home". She started one of the classes by saying "I want to talk about dirt. My place was dirty this weekend and I decided that it was ok because I had other more important things to do". I never forgot what she said. Yes you are right about allocating the necessary time one needs to take care of self whether it be creating art, watching films or reading a book. Thank you for the time you took to answer me. Just yesterday, I saw someone who blogs and makes youtube videos and now wants sponsors to support her on "Patreon". She mentioned something about the time it takes to answer a comment in a post. I do appreciate that you took the time. I don't know how my comment showed up on a July post. I do know that I hate deleting your posts because I love looking at the pretty pages you create. Thanks! ❤️
Kelly Kilmer said…
Panama, Apologies. I didn't mean to imply that I thought you were disappointed in yourself. I sincerely tip my hat to all that you have done and worked so hard for. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It is very much appreciated.

btw, the post isn't from July but the journal page is. I make it a point to post my finished pages and the posts are dated with the days the pages are from.

Here's to creativity in all forms in 2016.
Kelly Kilmer said…
Lynda :) I think I prefer "intentions over resolutions." I definitely agree with all that you wrote. Here's to a creative new year.
Emie58 said…
This is all resonating with me as well..... I guess it's then end of one year and the beginning of another that has me thinking this way. I also for years have made a list of what I want my new year to look like... I believe resolutions start out with a negative vibe... something you don't like about yourself and want to change. I prefer to think of it in more positive ways... for example, RAK's, taking time to say positive things to others etc. I also think about thing throughout the year... not just in January. I think you said it well Kelly... basically, strive to be the best "you" that you can.

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