A Year of Firsts

 Erin, my Dad and me at my Aunt Sis and Uncle Frank's house in Foxboro for Christmas 1981 or so.
 Dad, Erin and me in Salem, MA at The House of the Seven Gables Fall 1995
 A very pregnant me along with my Dad at Santa Anita Race Track December 1996
Another preggers shot at my parents' home in Quincy, MA October 1996

Most of my favorite pictures are still on the boards that we made for my Dad's services at my sister's house. So, I apologize for posting shots of me in scary pjs (lol!)

Ever since June 9th, everything seems to be a "first" as my Dad isn't around to share it with us. Today is my first birthday without my Dad. No phone call. No Happy Birthday sung off key into my phone. Not from my Dad. I do have a message of him singing to me saved on my phone. If I can bring myself to listen to it, I will. It's a sad day but my family and friends are trying to make it a happy one for me and I love them all the more for it.

One of the stories that my Dad used to love to tell is about the morning I was born.  I was born nice and early at 12:45 a.m. on the morning of October 24, 1974. The doctor even thanked my Mom for having me at a decent time so that he could go home and get a good night's sleep.

After I was born, my Dad decided to go out and celebrate in his own way. He had a few beers and popped in at my Aunt Dianne and Uncle John's house. It was the middle of the night. Instead of telling them that I had been born, in his own smart ass way, he told them that he had a big fight with my Mom. This went on for a little while and knowing him, he enjoyed getting my Aunt (especially) and Uncle worked up. Then he finally told them that I had been born. They were happy but annoyed that he had spun such a yarn! No one could tell this story quite like my Dad and it always cracked him up to tell it. 

So, if I'm a little sad and off today, you know why. I'm trying to take things moment by moment (instead of day by day.) I'll take the happiness along with the sadness and I'll try to make the best out of both. I'm not writing this for sympathy or birthday wishes. It's a post for me. It's for my Mom (who asked why I hadn't posted about my Dad in awhile.) It's for my son. It's for my Dad. It's just something that I had to write today. Thanks for listening.

Comments

Erin said…
He didn't sing off key! I always thought he had a nice voice. I always loved when he sang. He enjoyed doing it.

I look like a dork in the Salem pic.

Kelly Kilmer said…
Erin, you're right, he may not have been off key (like you are) but he did enjoy singing! ;)

It's not just the Salem pic that you look like a dork in...hee hee. Just kidding. I think it's a cute pic!
Kelly, I love you. I really like the way you love your dad. He sounds like he was hilarious in this story. He gave you a lot, even enough to give you all the strength you need to carry on. I wish you to carry the little light inside if you as long as you need it and always if that's what you want. Namaste Kelly. I really mean it.
Catherine Witherell said…
We all looked like dorks at that age!
Kelly Kilmer said…
@Catherine speak for yourself! ;) hee hee. I'm the one wearing a Banana Splits t-shirt! Lol!!!!
Erin said…
At least I SING to you on YOUR birthday! You never sing!! Singing is good for the soul. Just ask James Brown ;)
Kelly Kilmer said…
Thanks, Catherine. You're a good friend. Love ya, buddy.
Kelly Kilmer said…
@Erin, I do too sing!
My ears are still bleeding! ;)
Love James Brown...
Anonymous said…
It is so hard! I lost my Mom 16 years ago, and my StepDad 23
years ago and I miss them every day! Stories sure help me feel better, I tell them whenever I can! Hang in there! Beth
Lori Wostl said…
I heard Kelly belts it out on road trips! Very kind. Happy Birthday and many more. Love. Lori W. at Art Camp for Women
Desert Mermaid said…
Happy Day, first of all (I read this yesterday, was interrupted and never got back here to tell you so!) ... last night, I dreamed of you and your Dad. Tall masonry wall, kind of at dusk, a field? And your Dad, standing up close to the wall, his hands linked together low, saying, 'Come on, come on, step up! Kelly's waiting!' So up I went and he practically threw me over the wall, then hoisted himself over, and you were on the other side with this enormous group of grinning folks, a big fire, picnic tables full of goodies ... a surprise party for your DAD, a birthday party for YOU. I dusted myself off and headed straight for the chips and guacomole. (what a great dream it was ... !!)
Trece said…
(((((HUGS))))). Holding you in my heart.
laurie said…
i can so relate to this post. my mom died ten years ago. the first birthday i had after she was gone was so tough. i cried and cried in the shower that day. i'm glad you have so many wonderful memories of your dad - they don't replace him but they are comforting.

Tricia said…
Happy Belated Birthday Friend! I apologize for missing wishing you a beautiful day and year to come. I know how hard the past months have been on you and yet you continue to be an inspiration and inspire us by sharing your truth and life with us. You have taught me to hold true to myself and what I hold dear. May you know how much you are loved Kelly!

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