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Sunday, January 10, 2010

19 December 2009 journal page

Some people post their New Years Resolutions on their blog, etc... doing big long intricate posts about this and that. I'm not that kind of a gal. I'm not one for New Years Resolutions 'cause I know that most of them are broken and broken quickly. I am, however, one who is interested in resolving to do something and trying my damndest to stick to it, but not making that resolution on January 1st. (Are you still with me?)

Here's what I'm pondering...Learning to let go. How do you let things go? Suggestions? Advice? Comments? I'd love to hear it. It's one of my biggest downfalls. I am one who does forgive. I am also one to forget. Yet, when I've been hurt and hurt bad or I feel that I (or someone else) have been wronged, I hold onto it. When someone makes a comment or says something snarky and mean, I hold onto it.

How do you let it go??


Mindy said...

I keep this phrase in mind. "How you feel about me is none of my business". Seriously, if someone makes a snarky comment, they are the one with the issue.

T and J said...

I get my voodoo doll out and do things to it for about a good ten minutes and then I feel better.

Just kidding.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, yeah, I need to know how to do that too.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I also wanted to say here, I am so enjoyed ALMBH. I feel withdrawals ... I haven't been able to journal the last two days! Funny how quickly a habit gets formed.

Lori W said...

I got 2 things (especially around my family)1. This is the best communication they are capable, they need training, but this is the best they can do. 2. If it is recurring?the rule is Guard against negative conversations - don't leave room for them around you.
Oh I know one more - it only bothers me if I care about the person thus rule number one.

Anonymous said...

For me venting it out, journaling about it helps for part of it.. Bottom line for me is I have to remember what I really want out of my life. For many things that we need to let go of , we need to ask ourselves what we are really wanting to create, and in order to make room for those things we need to let go of hurts, limiting beliefs and things to make room for what it is we DO want... When talking it out with the person whom hurt you is not an option, sometimes for me writing a letter to them venting it out, confronting it and NOT sending it is healing..

MJ said...

I have this issue all the time. Like i'm stuck thinking what someone said but also what to do to correct someone else who wronged me.

Mindy has a good point. Quite like Byron Katie in terms of its their business for thinking or doing this things. That they have issues and not you.

My therapist would state that it's a matter of boundaries. If you let someone into your bubble, they will affect you as they please.

Take all of this with a grain of salt as this is my experience and I'm unsure of all your details which might not be the same situation.

One way to deal with it is to say to yourself that you'll worry/think about it tomorrow and give a certain time like 9:58 AM. By then, you might have forgotten.

Anonymous said...

I also have this problem, Kelly. Looking forward to some good advice!

Long Black Eyelahes said...

You smile and love your fabulous even more! I used to "hold" on to things, now I see it as a kinda compliment, somehow,in a twisted way, but it works for me! Angelica

Raine said...

A friend used to say, "Consider the source and ignore it." I know that it's a lot easier said than done but it's the best I've got. ;) I'm one who can have 100 people like me and one who doesn't and I'll obsess about the one instead of revelling over the 100. So I guess that the best advice I can give is to remember those who love us and ignore those who do not appreciate us for who we are. And, as is obvious by the many who take your classes, both online and in person, you are greatly loved.

jane eileen said...

Jeane's mom said...
Probably survive something pretty tragic and get old. That will help. No, even though both of those do help, here's the deal. You have to go to a place where you can accept that what happened can't be done over. You can position yourself sometimes not to be in the path of the problem causer, but most important, you have to tell yourself, that the offender has already taken enough from you, time, emotions, etc. So, move on and do not allow him or her to consume any more of your thoughts, time, emotional resources, etc. It's like being robbed and then walking off and leaving your door open. Shut the door. Move on to positive things. Every minute spent thinking about who did you wrong or hurt you or whatever, is another minute gone from a very short life that you will never get back. Sorry to sound like the mom, but, oh wait, I am your (art) mom. If that doesn't work, email me, and I will get Edna on it. She hasn't failed us yet, has she? I dump all my crap in her lap, and she and her frog do the magic. Got it?
Love ya,
Art Mom

Ariana said...

Snarking back at people is satisfying in the moment, but when I REALLY can't get something to stop bothering me (like I can't sleep because my brain keeps circling around and around it) I write it in my "Letting go" journal. It's the only thing I use that one for, and once it's written down, I force myself to stop thinking about it. If it comes to mind randomly, I put my hand on my forehead and visualize myself PHYSICALLY pulling the thought out of my head (like in Harry Potter!) and flicking it away. Watch it disintegrate. Make sure it doesn't land on someone else, that would be bad Karma! I know this sounds stupid, but TRY IT. It works. :)

sharon said...

gosh, that's a tough one! i've got to where, at a profound level, i understand that what's being said or done has nothing whatsoever to do with me, and everything to do with them. sometimes i can even generate a little compassion for the pain people have to feel in order to be so ugly. sometimes. mostly, though, i just smile and shake my head, knowing that what goes around will surely come around...and say a prayer or two to the goddess of instant karma. oh - and a warning is in order. i've noticed that as soon as i make a judgment on someone, quicker than microwave popcorn, i'm in their shoes and behaving just as badly...and i have to laugh at myself every time.

Susan Stokinger said...

Hi Kelly, Sometimes it is time that allows you to let it go. The older I get the less I am wounded by the careless remarks of ignorant people (except, of course family;) Also you choose to give them the power by reacting. If they don't deserve your power, blow it off, nip it in the bud...you know those cliches... http://www.westegg.com/cliche/ xxoo Susan

sharon said...

here's an amusing repost from one of my sisters. "never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. that way, when you finally do get around to judging them, you'll be a mile away AND have their shoes."

Carmen said...

let time take care of this, too.
sometimes that's all it is

Amy said...


Great pages!! Here's one quote that for whatever reason always makes me feel better (forwarded to me from a friend when I was having similar difficulties):

"The slander of some people is as great a recommendation as the praise of others." - Fielding

(In other words, do you really value their opinion anyway?)

One more good one I found:

"Slander meets no regard from noble minds; only the base believe what the base only utter." - John Bellers

Persevere and do the right thing. You are better than that...(and their probably jealous anyways):)

Hope this helps!! Rock on girlfriend!!

Anonymous said...

ohhhh Kelly, I have the same problem. I cannot just roll on when someone has been mean to me. The pain stays for a long time turning into anger. This is definitely one of my issues I will be working on in my re:inventing myself journal. For now, i love T and J's voodoo doll idea :-P Wanna do a voodoo doll swap?

Shoshanah said...

i've been reading "a new earth," by eckhart tolle. mike finished reading it just before he got laid off. it has really helped keep things in the now... we don't read these kinds of books. ever. i don't really know what made mike pick it up, but it came at the right time!

Libby said...

I try to remember than when someone has been mean or vicious, it usually says more about themselves than me.

Sometimes, if I really can't let it go, I sit down and write every venomous thought I have about them and say all the mean nasty horrible things that my 8-year-old self wants to say to them. Then I put it aside.

Just some thoughts.

Libby said...

Oh, an sometimes, even though it's hard to admit, there's some truth to what they are saying (otherwise it probably would not push my buttons). So sometimes it's possible to look at it as a gift and see what is there.