Do-over

After a rough week, we decided to pull Tristan out of the Performing Arts Magnet program he was in and to enroll him in the 6th grade that was added for this year at our local elementary school. Phew. What else do you do when your boy goes to sleep crying, wakes up crying, spends his days listening to teachers scream at kids, is relentlessly teased (physically and verbally), listens to teachers threaten children by saying that they will call social services on their parents, comes home with no homework, goes to school and isn't taught anything but sits and listens to teachers tell stories about their lives...all of this goes on for several days.

Monday afternoon, we ran into one of Tristan's friends from K-5, a nice boy and his Mom eating lunch at the local bagel shop. The boy was BEAMING and said how much he loves his new school (the Mom agreed). After some talk, I felt like lightning hit me. I phoned David and we talked about what was going on with Tristan and the new school and how the last week had been very stressful. We felt that it was better to take him out now before it got any later in the school year. The whole thing felt
right. I discussed with Tristan how this is only something we could do once that Mom can't fix everything and that our priorities were his education, safety and overall well being.

I took him to the school he had been enrolled in and spoke to the Dean (since when do middle schools have DEANS?) who was condescending at first..he kept stressing that I was pulling him out of a middle school and enrolling him into an elementary school. We went back and forth on a few things. I did what was best for my child a boy who is 11...not 11 going on 18. He's 11. He goes to bed surrounded by his toys, Legos, stuffed animals and Ben 10. He loves comic books and cartoons. He's 11. I want him to *be* the age that he is and not feel pressured to be "all grown up" as that will come with time and each passing year.

Tuesday morning came and we had more work to do at the prior school. We spent 90 minutes getting all of the bureaucracy out of the way...At 9:15 we were at the new school..we all felt so much better. We filled out the paperwork. They told us that they felt it was better that Tristan start tomorrow (now today, Wednesday).

I walked Tristan to school this morning. He was smiling, laughing, joking, happy. He was excited about the new school, the new teacher, the new students (there is one 6th grade class). He didn't cry. He kissed me goodbye and said he'd see me this afternoon. I feel so much better. My boy is happy and so am I!Last night we took a walk to Barnes & Noble at The Grove. My friend Andrew had talked about this book on his blog and it piqued my interest! The book is Collections of Nothing by William Davies King. I dove into it last night and had a really hard time putting it down.
I also picked up the latest Mary Engelbreit Home Companion. WOW! This new issue is a keeper. It's the first issue in a long time that had me very excited about the content within.

On the way home we stopped at Family on Fairfax. I didn't buy anything, but was excited to find that they had copies of the Peter Beard DVD I have been looking for. When I got home, I decided to look up Peter Beard online as I remembered murmurings of Taschen releasing some new Beard books this Fall. Oh. My. God. My jaw dropped. Remember the $6000 Beard book I was lusting after?? They are releasing a "working class slob" edition. Frickin' finally! It is $100 and I am eagerly saving my pennies now for it...it comes out just in time for my birthday!!! Two hardcover books in a slipcase. 784 pages of pure Heaven. I am ecstatic!!!!!! This is one of THE books that I have been wanting since I found out about it (knowing that I would damn well not have the $6000 to 15,000 that was necessary to purchase it!) Woo hoo!!!

Comments

Anonymous said…
I just took a peek at the Peter Beard book set. I have only one word to say about it: WOW!!!!! It's not something I would necessarily buy for myself but I just might have to request it for the next holiday....or reward for being a good post-surgery patient. *here comes that wicked pissa grin again....* *rolling with giggles*
By the way, I totally agree with your decision for Tristan. School can be stressful enough. Society isn't letting kids be kids anymore. But it's SO important. He's 11 and deserves to BE 11.
Shoshanah said…
oh, poor T! i know how your heart is breaking. i do hope his new school is better. i'll be thinking of him!

yesterday grey got switched to a new class. and it was the first day he didn't come home crying, too. there was a bully... but he loves his new class!
Anonymous said…
Sounds like you absolutely made the best choice for Tristan by changing schools. These past couple of weeks must have been hell for your family. NO ONE KNOWS your child better than you and you were right to follow your instinct and make the change now when it's still the beginning of the school year. Middle school is a huge time of transition for tween kids as they head into their teenage years. They need to be building their self confidence and figuring out where they are going to "fit in" with their peers. I remember all too clearly navigating the middle schools waters with my own kids. I was lucky to be a stay at home mom and I volunteered at the school teaching art so I could see what type of environment my kids were living in for 7 hours a day. Thats when I learned that my son was being bounced off the lockers and his textbooks swiped by 8th grade bullies who decided that as a small 6th grader he was easy pickings..while I didn't fight his battles for him, as parents we were able to give him advice as to how to deal with this situation when it happened again and to also notify the principal that this was going on in the locker bay..hang in there Kelly..Tristan already has the best tools in the world to survive adolesence..2 loving parents..
You soooooo did the right thing pulling him out of that school!!!! I would've yanked my boy out of there in a New York minute. Glad to know Tristan is smiling and laughing again instead of crying.
T and J said…
I hope Tristan is happier at his new school.
Good for you for listening to him
and taking action on it.
Anonymous said…
So sorry to hear about the bad experience your dear son had to endure. School is a place for learning and growing and it shouldn't feel like torture to attend. I'm glad he is happy now and I wish the handsome young man much success at his new school.
lynne h said…
kelly, just wanted to say that i'm so sorry to hear that tristan was having a bad time at the performing arts magnet school. i'm SO GLAD that you advocated for him and got him into a happier school!! yes!! i say no mean teachers for tristan at any age!!!

the other thing... these peter beard books... OMG!!! 784 pages of pure inspired genius! wow... thanks for the heads up! (is that tashen something or what? i may have to make a little taschen alter)
Sandy said…
I'm so glad Tristan is happy now. That's all that matters is that are kids understand that they do have a voice and a choice in what they do with their lives. This year has been hard for my 14 yr. old too. Not with his classes but with a Coach and his "issues" he seems to have. It's driving me crazy but I've decided to not let it. You can read about it on my blog. The man has lost his mind I do believe.

I hope Tristan continues to do well and enjoys himself. :D
rscoach said…
Kelly - totally support you and David in your decision to pull Tristan out of the Middle school - I wish more parents would really see their kids for who they are and listen to what they are saying - and have it count for something - You have done a very loving thing for Tristan - and another year in elementary school as the oldest kids will really help him next year when he goes to another school - and i loved how you explained it to him - I was like Tristan "young" at every age (still am!) and it was so difficult for me to be thrown into "grown up" situations and discussions and pressure when I wasn't ready - I applaud you and I know one day Tristan will look back on this and thank you too! xo reva
Tara's Art Camp said…
I am glad your son is doing better. School can be so stressful even in the best of conditions.

Thanks for the heads up on your book leads. You always pick the best ones!!!

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