Home.

David came home yesterday afternoon. I don't even know where to begin with the story. In a nutshell, he has started on his path to recovery. They removed his kidney, ureter and part of his bladder. He's not in the excruciating, intense pain that he was in for several days at the hospital but he is still in pain especially if he moves. 

It's very difficult to get much rest in a hospital. My heart goes out to the patients, the advocates and the hospital staff who go through this on a daily basis. We had a few things happen to us while we were in the hospital that I don't want to get into here nor do we want to relive them (we spoke with the Charge Nurse and we will be writing a follow-up letter to the hospital praising the nurses who did it right and encouraging that they look into some things that need to be changed.) 

David and I were talking last night and it can be difficult being in a hospital where you feel that you are reduced to being just a body, you don't feel like a human being. That's why we appreciated the doctors, nurses and nursing assistants who went above and beyond their job to make sure that my husband was comfortable and well taken care of. They are the ones who did a damn good job and who we want to remember and thank.

We are grateful because while the urologist did find cancer (there was a tumor on the outside of his kidney), the Doctor said that they were able to get all of it. They will keep a regular watch on him with follow up appointments every six months (though he has quite a few upcoming doctor's appointments this week.) He will have another surgery down the road on his prostate. We are not sure what that will entail as the Doctor says we will worry about one thing at a time and that his body needs time to heal right now. We are trying not to think about it. Three hospital stays in six months are already three stays too many.

This is the first day that I've felt a little more me. I hadn't had a full night's sleep since before the surgery and while I didn't sleep well last night, I slept much better and am extremely thankful for it. A lack of sleep, fear and being an advocate does something not only to your body but also to your brain. David and I will be spending the next couple of days (before his first doctor's appointment this month) at home trying to make sure that he gets the rest that he needs and that I get a little bit of rest but also some art time to keep me sane. 

I am extremely grateful to my friend, Suzi Babbin Finer (yes, that Suzi Finer from the Beverly Hills store that I miss so much) for starting a GoFundMe page. I have always been extremely uncomfortable asking for help. I've been under a lot of stress for the past six months trying to keep a roof over our head, food on the table all while I take care of David. I appreciate my family, friends, students and strangers who reached out to help. I can't even put the feelings I have into words. My body and mind feel better and I am not stressed out about how we are going to get by. I don't know the GoFundMe etiquette yet and how to go about saying thank you but as soon as I can figure it out, you know I will be doing so. So until then, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I might disappear for a couple of days again to recoup. The last few hours haven't been perfect (David is still in pain but nothing like he was at the hospital) but they have been better and they are going to get better. I'm also thankful to have access to real food (the food at the hospital this past week was the stuff of nightmares for both David and I), my own bed and quiet. It is good to be home.