I'm already working on my third journal since I finished this one. Crazy, huh? I've been pouring myself out onto the pages much more so than usual lately. Grief is such a hard thing to deal with. I'm not "alright", I never will be the way I was before. I have good moments and crappy moments (just like we all do.)
I'll be honest in saying that it was hard being in Arizona this weekend. There were a few things going on that brought up some heavy emotions. My Aunt Anne Smith died on Thursday, November 8th (her husband, Jim, was my Dad's half brother.) We weren't close but she was a nice lady and I always enjoyed seeing her. I have lots of good memories of going to visit on Christmas Eve. I always love seeing that side of the family and wish that we could have seen them more often. Dad always said the nicest things about Anne and Jim and their kids.
I had a few nice hard cries when I was by myself. There are lots of memories of my Dad when I visit Arizona and it makes it all the more difficult. It was also the five month anniversary (on the 9th) as well as my Mom sent me photos of my Dad's tombstone. It wasn't up when I visited Bourne in August. Here's my cutie nephew (Jack) with Aunt Sis (my Dad's sister.) It is a hard thing to see that for the first time. Mom was happy with the stone and took a gazillion pictures.
Dad was in the Army during the Vietnam era but he was stationed in Okinawa working in a printing shop. Yes, Dad was also a U.S. Marshal. He retired in 2000 (the Marshal service forces you to retire when you're 55. He worked for them for twenty years.) He worked a lot of high profile cases and his name was tossed around as being the one and only person who if given the time and the money could have found one of the top of the list FBI's Most Wanted (we didn't know this until after he died.) He refused though as he had just had open heart surgery. After that he worked for the City of Boston as a bridge operator for a few years. His last job was as a shuttle bus driver. He was always well loved wherever he went. In June, the funeral home was packed with the mall employees who came to say goodbye. They told us he would always wait to make sure that their car started and that they were okay getting into their cars in the parking lot alone at night. That's just the way he was.