It's almost midnight. This isn't the post I was going to write, but it is what it is.
My Aunt died today. She was only 50. She had a heart attack and died at the hospital. The same damn hospital that my Grandmother also died at, too young, of cancer. She leaves behind her husband, John and their daughter (my 17 year old cousin) Andrea. Joni leaves behind her sister (my Mother), Jane and her brother, Uncle Jack. She left behind a lot of things. No chance for make-ups of all of the crap over the last few years. No chance for good byes. The last time we saw her was the day after my sister's wedding in October. She called me, I think, one or two other times after that. We never talked about what happened between Erin's wedding and the months after that. My Mom and Aunt didn't speak after what happened. Mom waited for Joni to call her. Joni didn't call. Now everyone is regretting what was and what wasn't said and done. Fights in families suck. Disagreements and bullshit about money suck. Dying sucks. You can't take it with you in the end, that's the bottom line. You can't. You leave behind sadness. You leave behind regret. You leave behind a lot of baggage. I want to toss those goddamn bags into the frigging marsh behind Grandpa's house. I'm not even sure if Grandpa's house is there anymore.
Joni, we love you. We miss you. I wish you were going to be here to see Andrea graduate from high school next year. She needs her Mom. I wish you were here so we could yell at you about all of the crap. So I could smack some sense into you. So my Mom would stop calling me crying and my heart breaking and heavy every time the phone rings and it's her asking what she should do. I want to make everything right, but I can't.
I can't. We all tried over the years to do what was right...now I'm not sure what matters. I'm heavy hearted. Forget about who did what. Pick up the damn phone and call. Don't want to call? Write a letter. Even if the person doesn't respond at least you tried to reach out...
Rest in Peace, Joni. We love you and miss you lots.
My Aunt died today. She was only 50. She had a heart attack and died at the hospital. The same damn hospital that my Grandmother also died at, too young, of cancer. She leaves behind her husband, John and their daughter (my 17 year old cousin) Andrea. Joni leaves behind her sister (my Mother), Jane and her brother, Uncle Jack. She left behind a lot of things. No chance for make-ups of all of the crap over the last few years. No chance for good byes. The last time we saw her was the day after my sister's wedding in October. She called me, I think, one or two other times after that. We never talked about what happened between Erin's wedding and the months after that. My Mom and Aunt didn't speak after what happened. Mom waited for Joni to call her. Joni didn't call. Now everyone is regretting what was and what wasn't said and done. Fights in families suck. Disagreements and bullshit about money suck. Dying sucks. You can't take it with you in the end, that's the bottom line. You can't. You leave behind sadness. You leave behind regret. You leave behind a lot of baggage. I want to toss those goddamn bags into the frigging marsh behind Grandpa's house. I'm not even sure if Grandpa's house is there anymore.
Joni, we love you. We miss you. I wish you were going to be here to see Andrea graduate from high school next year. She needs her Mom. I wish you were here so we could yell at you about all of the crap. So I could smack some sense into you. So my Mom would stop calling me crying and my heart breaking and heavy every time the phone rings and it's her asking what she should do. I want to make everything right, but I can't.
I can't. We all tried over the years to do what was right...now I'm not sure what matters. I'm heavy hearted. Forget about who did what. Pick up the damn phone and call. Don't want to call? Write a letter. Even if the person doesn't respond at least you tried to reach out...
Rest in Peace, Joni. We love you and miss you lots.
Comments
So sorry for your loss.
Try to focus on the good times with your Aunt and family. That is what should be remembered.
Hugs,
Roberta S.
Hugs,
Adriane
http://www.onesundayafternoon.blogspot.com
http://www.onesundayafternoon.com
Linda