Thoughts on Journaling Grief

Lianne asked me about my thought process as I journal my way through the last couple of months. It hasn't been any different than the way that I usually work except that there are certain things that I keep thinking about again and again and no amount of writing them down will ever make them go away or get out of my head. Things you wish you had said and things you wish you had done. Things you had no control over and things you'll never be able to change. Such is life. I tend to treat my journal as a way to process and help me think and work through things. Yes, at times I use it as a dumping ground but the main reasons I journal are to process, document and explore. I figure that trying to work through my own grief in my books may help others (including my son who I plan on passing these books down to someday) as much as it helps me (in small ways.) I post my pages to encourage others to think about opening up in a journal...if I can do it, so can you. I rarely sit down and plan anything out. I might have something in mind (based on a feeling or a thought) as I start to work on a page but rarely do I sit down and say, "I'm going to journal about this!" I start by working on a page, picking my background papers, colors, focal images and pens based on how I'm feeling as I make the page. Contrary to what some teachers say, I don't just "glue shit down". I'm picking out things that resonate and that have meaning to me. I tend to complete a page in one go, meaning I won't move onto the next page until I'm done with the one I'm working on at the moment. When I go to pick up my pen, it's all about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking right at that moment. Some days I have a lot to say (like the page above) and others it's minimal. I don't go back to my journals (usually) right away after I've finished them. I'll revisit them later (and usually it's much, much later.) I'm more "get it out and think through it as you work" though lately I seem to be revisiting the same thoughts and themes repeatedly. I know it's part of the grieving process and I'm just trying to process my thoughts, allow them to unfold and see where my journey takes me.