What You'll Find Here

I post daily (photos of my journal pages, things that inspire me and personal bits and pieces) to inspire and encourage others. I have always believed that if I can do it, so can you.

You'll find resources (my favorite supplies, books, slideshows of my art journal pages, favorite bloggers, etc...) listed along the right hand side of my blog.

I've been teaching both in person and online workshops for almost twenty years now. You can find out more about my classes by scrolling down along the right hand side of my blog. I strive to make classes accessible to everyone (both beginner to advanced).

I love teaching and truly believe that deep down inside everyone is an artist, capable of creating something. There is power and knowledge in the act of creating something with your own hands, made from your own heart and head.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at EGorey99@sbcglobal.net

Thanks for stopping by!

-Kelly

Monday, July 09, 2012

22 June 2012 Journal Page

It's been a month since June 9, 2012 when my world as I knew it changed forever. It's been a roller coaster of a month. I know I'm still in shock as well as denial. I keep wanting (and expecting) the phone to ring. After classes this past weekend, I kept thinking the phone would ring as Dad ALWAYS called me after class to see how things had gone and how my day was. It's hard adjusting to not getting a regular phone call but also in knowing that I'll never see him or talk to him again. He's gone. I have to learn how to live without being able to pick up the phone and call him whenever I wanted or having him as my road trip buddy. It's an odd lesson and one that I know will take some time.

It's also weird as people don't know what to say. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't expect anything. I have been somewhat taken aback when folks are shocked to hear that I'm still teaching. First off, I'm not independently wealthy and I have to work but much more so is that I am very lucky in that I LOVE what I do. Art keeps me going. My students keep me going. I honestly don't know where I'd be without art and my students. YOU GUYS are the ones who keep me sane. 

I don't want to sit at home and cry (though I have no problem doing that once in a while as I know it's a necessary part of grieving. I just don't want to do it constantly. My body is tired of crying. I am tired of crying.) I want to learn how to work through this, to heal my scars and to honor my Dad in the best way possible. I want to be the best I can be utilizing the life lessons that he taught me so well. So, staying home and wallowing in grief is not an option. Working in my journal, teaching classes (both in person as well as online) and being surrounded by family, friends and things that make me smile and fill my heart are extremely important to me, those are my necessities right now. My life that I love so very much (along with time) will help me to heal. Dad's love, lessons and memories will never be forgotten. How could someone like him ever be? He touched the lives of so many people that I hope that with time, the thought of his memory leaves people with a smile on their face, a good story to tell or laughter. That's the way Dad would've wanted to have been remembered.  

“And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure . . . And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you...”
Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ry, The Little Prince 

24 comments:

lori franklin said...

Beautiful post. Thank you.

tracey said...

beautiful...thanks for sharing. you're so blessed to have had a dad like that. xo

Sandy said...

I'm glad that you have your art too. I never understood the stay at home for months after a death. We are still hear and as hard as it is we have to go on. It's hard, very hard. I too understand the strange things that people say. I've heard it all the past few weeks. I'm glad that people try to offer condolences but then some people that I don't even know come up to me and ask me the rudest questions.

Vickie Porter said...

I'm sorry grief has made a visit to you. I am in tears reading your post. It brings back my first month after I lost my beloved dad about 1 1/2 years ago (it CAN'T be that long ago, is it?). It still hurts. I still await that phone call everyday. Can't help it. So I do things that honor his memory - like still celebrating his birthday last month - to keep him close to my heart. Make good use of your loving friends and family. Love and art will get you through. ((hugs))

back.roads said...

Such a lovely post. You have beautiful memories of your father. My thoughts are with you.

Daisy Yellow said...

Kelly, That you go on, that you break down but keep going, that you continue to do your art... is evidence of the strength your dad instilled in you. Thank you for this post and for being brave.

Make art be happy said...

I was deeply touched by your post. And yes, love & art will certainly help you get thru. Losing a parent is a terrible thing; I lost both a very long time ago, but I have felt them near me ever since, watching over me and over my kids now. I'm wishing you lots of strength to get thru these difficult times.

Anonymous said...

Kelly, a true post, from the heart, thank you. You're doing great, Karenxx

Deb said...

Your post speaks to my heart so deeply, for I have experienced similar feelings following the deaths of both my parents. I am struck most by how well you are honoring your father's memory by living the life he would wish for you, incorporating the lessons he taught you. Truly, you are a strong and wonderful daughter/woman/artist. Continue on your journey, Kelly, and may you have peace for the process and be able to smile and even laugh through your tears. "Rather than mourn the absence of the flame,let us celebrate how brightly it burned." Blessings to you!

lgmcat said...

So sorry about your loss Kelly. I've been there too and it is hard but it does get better. A really lovely post.

sheilasab@sbcglobal.net said...

kelly--i think about you a lot--i loved and love my parents very much--Dad has always been my hero since i was a little girl--AND yet i still have times that i get very angry at them for leaving me--Kubler-Ross got it right with her points of grieving--i talk to them everyday--my dad was" the founder of all things lost" !!! Dad helps me find the things i lose--i just ask him, and there it is--sounds silly, but it happens !???! i enjoyed the journal page the other day very much--i haven't seen the little girl Kelly as much as i used to-- soooo cute--- xxxooo sam

Susie said...

I love what you wrote and I understand it so well, grief; no matter what the source, is something that we must work through and art is such powerful medicine, the best kind in fact. I know if I didn't have the creation of art, journaling, moving through each day with that as my internal guide, I would have not survived all the 'hard' lessons life has put in front of me...sometimes grief can sneak up on us, we feel like we've gone through it all, and one tiny thing can bring memories flooding back and I think our heart gets confused, it hasn't completely grasped the shift, big or small; a crack is formed...and that reminds me of the Leonard Cohen lyric,'there is a crack, a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in' you are letting the light in, to me that is what art and creativity allow, the light to come in and touch us, heal us, keep going... I don't know any other way to get through this life, it's who you are, You'd be doing your Dad a dis-service if you'd have turned your back on the one thing that he understood as one of your most amazing gifts...I know you know all this but Kelly, hard as it all is...you are getting this as right as you possibly can...you are letting the light in...tender hugs brave girl, many, many hugs...

Michelle LaPoint Rydell said...

Oh, Kelly - I can so relate to what you are saying. After my mom died, I kept wanting to call her after I would have an accomplishment, because she always wanted to hear about it, and celebrate with me. It's hard to lose that. Art was my therapy, and I'm so glad yours is helping you too. Hugs and prayers.

Teresa said...

My dad died 20 years ago. I still think of him everyday and often talk to him and am always asking God to tell him something. When he died someone told me that when I miss him most is when he is therre with me. I have come to believe this to be true.

Mouseybrat said...

Kelly, I know your pain all too well. My dad passed 14 years ago. I miss him everyday and sometimes I forget he's gone and can't wait to call him to share something that is going on in my life. The pain does ease some but I will never stop missing him. The love and caring of your family and friends will help you. Ignore those that tell you that you aren't grieving right. Grieving is a very personal thing and everyone handles it in their own way. Be You!
Samantha

Carol said...

What I love about your blog is your honesty and sharing of your feelings no matter how hard. Very few of us are unfamiliar with loss and grief and know how much it hurts. You are a true testament to art being a very helpful and useful tool in dealing with a very sad and challenging time. Please find comfort in your amazing creative spirit.

Caatje said...

Kelly, I just wanted to wish you strength with the loss of your father. These are hard times, but you will carry him with you from now on and keep him alive that way. It's wonderful to have something as beautiful as art to fall back on and keep you going. Good luck.

brigitte said...

beautiful post. i'm glad you have your art, family and friends to help you thru this difficult time.
big hugs

Unknown said...

Your sharing just shows how what you do is full of who you are. Loved the Little Prince quote and it reminded me of a line Shakepeare wrote " ...and when he dies, take him and cut him into little stars, and he will make the face of Heaven so fine, that all the world will be in love with night." There's a quote to illustrate in your beautiful journals for sure! Hang in there, cry when you need to and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Indulge yourself whenever you can. xo Pam

Pamela knutson said...

Your sharing just shows how what you do is full of who you are. Loved the Little Prince quote and it reminded me of a line Shakepeare wrote " ...and when he dies, take him and cut him into little stars, and he will make the face of Heaven so fine, that all the world will be in love with night." There's a quote to illustrate in your beautiful journals for sure! Hang in there, cry when you need to and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Indulge yourself whenever you can. xo Pam

Artologist's Studio said...

My heart hurts for you, Kelly. My mom passed suddenly 8 years ago. She went the way she wanted to. Quickly, not lingering or watching and feeling herself go. We used to talk most every night and it was so difficult not having that phone ring.
While there's still one or two things I wished I could have asked, I have no regrets.
We had to come back to Phoenix after a week. It was hard but it was time to create our lives without her. Returning to work was a blessing. Having no family here, my colleagues have been my family. My students helped me focus outside of myself. Where else can you get hundreds of hugs in a day just for the asking?
I still can hear my moms' voice, her laughter. I can still tear up at the thought of her. I just kept putting one foot forward and in time it got easier. Still do :) Take good care and enjoy. I'll see next month.
Mariss
Marissa

Taylor schapiro said...

I love how you said everything in this post Kelly. Knowing you lets me know how wonderful a man your dad was. Take care of yourself and your family lovie.

dorit elisha said...

dear Kelly,
I Was sorry to read about you losing your dad. I know this empty place will always be there, but hopefully slowly it will fill with happiness again.

laurie said...

my mom died after a long battle with cancer but i went right back to work afterward because i knew that's what she would have wanted me to do. she was a hard worker who hated to inconvenience anyone so it made perfect sense to, in her honor, keep working. people experience grief in different ways so you need to do what is right for you....